Monday, February 26, 2007

Al Capone Shot Kudzu

Al Capone shot Flowering Kudzu in the alley the other night. It was first thought that it was Vinnie Barbarino, but that report was wrong. Vinnie cleared the matter up with this comment:

"That is Al Capone! He's using my name! I'm a handsome fellow in my fifties with black hair that isn't dyed, I swear it! I usually wear a school letter jacket. Or a white disco suit when I'm going out on the town."

Flowering Kudzu is recovering in the laboratory of Dr. Schitz where he is putting her back together. His new assistant, Daria Morgendorffer, is working on the details of the bill to be sent to Lammy because they blame her for the incident since it was Lammy who was fooling around with Al. It was said that he was on the lamb at the time.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

How I Came To Shiznit

by The Alien Guy

I am not a native of the planet called Shiznit. As a matter of fact, no person or animal or insect or any bacteria that can be classed as "animal" as opposed to "plant" life evolved on Shiznit. It is a planet which originally was exclusively "Club Veggie".

I was born far far away, but everything is far, far away out in space, in case you haven't noticed. I guess that is why they call it 'space' because there is a lot of 'space' between things out there. I was born on the planet they called Anykey. I say, "called" in the past tense because it no longer exists out there. But it will always exist in my heart as my home.

Believe it or not, the plants had the Internet way before animals or people discovered it. That is how they manage to communicate with each other since they can't get out and go visit each other. It all began with the intertwining of their root systems down in the ground. So now, all the plants on Shiznit are connected to one another by their own Internet.

When I was just a baby, my home planet of Anykey had become deeply in debt and about to become bankrupt to the point of oblivion. So my parents wrapped me in a red and blue blanket and placed me in a tiny little rocket ship along with the last of their money and shot me off into space. The little rocket landed on Shiznit, where I now call home along with all those other guys that were shot off into space by their parents.

I was the first to arrive and was raised by some nice plants who educated me and taught me to stay away from the bad plants that hated anything that was different from them, especially animals. And when the other babies started arriving in their little rocket ships wrapped in their red and blue blankets, I educated them in a school I founded and we eventually formed an animal society on Shiznit.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A Dog's-Eye View of The Cheesemeister

by Dusty Doggy

Is it possible to figure the mind of a writer by the characters he/she creates? Most experts or smart people who teach say 'no'. But I tend to go against the grain of those smart guys, besides, I'm just a dumb dog looking at humans from the outside, so maybe I am more objective.

Let's look at the Cheesemeister and her blogs. Ha ha ha ha! This will piss her off for sure! Imagine, being analyzed by a dog! But who could hold a grudge against a little old doggy.

To start with, most of her characters are dead. Now what does that tell us? Well, dead people don't change once they are dead. This makes me feel that she likes people who are very consistent and rigid in their behavior patterns. Predictable, you might say. That is very puzzling considering that she claims to be so changeable and moody or even bi-polar. She may prefer stable characters in the sense of the north star in that it is always in the same place and she moves around and can set a fix on the star. She is very changeable, but can always find her bearings by the consistency of her characters.

Dead people have no future in this world, but only memories. What does this mean? Hell if I know. I suppose she enjoys thinking about past events as opposed to what might be going to happen to her. We know how everything turned out from the past, so unlike thinking about the future, we don't have to wonder and worry what might happen. Even if something turned out bad in the past, at least we know, unlike the uncertain future.

So I figure she is searching for stability in an unstable world, security in an insecure world, or maybe consistency in an inconsistent world. Well, something like that. And she seems to have found the unchanging, stable, consistent and secure world in the Netherworld.

Oh, boy! I'm a happy mutt now! I just love to piss humans off. And sometimes even piss on them or their legs! I can sleep good tonight!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Testifies

by Dusty Doggy

Anna Nicole Smith made a surprising appearance at the courtroom today as they were arguing where she should be buried. She pointed her finger at the cameras in anger saying she is getting more press and publicity in death than she ever enjoyed or suffered during her entire lifetime. The judge kept trying to say she was out of order and that the deceased could not testify at her own hearing and it has no precedent in law. She claimed she would take it to the supreme court if she had to. Unfortunately, before she could make it clear where she wanted her body to be placed, the Devil appeared and scolded her, telling her to get back to hell where she belonged!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Sucking Blood

A young lady attacked a guy during sex with a knife, cutting him and partaking his succulent blood. It was so good, that it has been said she took after him with a pic ax after he managed to get untied. This may sound strange, and may not happen very often in Arizona, USA, but it is a frequent happenstance at the Netherworld Hotel, so we are told.

The news story is here.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Robert Adler Dies

He changed America! He changed the way we live! He created the "Couch Potato" when he invented the remote control for TV. He was in his 90's.

The story is here.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sexy Sadie & Tiny Tim

Sexy Sadie prepares for her performance at the special Valentine's Day Show at the Rapturous Woo Woo with her new boyfriend and special guest dance partner, Tiny Tim.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mickey Ratt Hides

Just where can a rat hide when it snows out? I (Dusty Doggy) found Mickey Ratt in our back yard hiding behind one of my turds! I went past him a dozen times before I saw him and realized he was there. That is great hiding, Mick. And I hear fresh shit is quite warm, too. Smart rodent!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Alien Guy Finds A New Paramour

We have been trying to find out what is happening on the planet Shiznit. It seems that the Alien Guy has a new girlfriend, some crazy astronaut from Earth. But we don't know what has happened to Dog Face Girl, his wife.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Nervous Norvis Meets Betty Boop

Mickey Rat took Nervous Norvis out drinking at Ugly Grace's after Norvis became so upset about Lammy finding her baby Lambkin and learning that it belonged to Peter Piper. But Mickey Rat quickly made Nervous Norvis forget all about Lammy when he introduced him to Betty Boop.

But Axe Man was outraged that Lammy learned that he had painted the baby's face with body paint to make her think he was the father. Axe Man said he liked Brittney the Devil Doll better than Lammy anyway!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Sneak Peek

The characters from the Netherworld broke into the Printing Company to take a sneak peek of Cheesemeister's soon to be released book. They wanted to know if they were mentioned in it.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Bat Boy Dances

Bat Boy is the newbe at the Happy Wiener Gay Dance Club. Here we see Dewey Banjer getting excited as he watches the debutante perform his maiden act on stage.