Poor Little Lambkin

The results from the DNA paternal tests were supposed to be made public last summer by Dr. Schitz, but no word has been forthcoming. We were wondering what happened and got this video of Lammy's baby, Lambkin, dancing on the bar at Ugly Grace's. We have learned that all the men of the Netherworld have each paid a hefty sum to Dr. Schitz to NOT reveal the findings of the test and not reveal the true father of Lammy's baby. Lambkin is a talented child, but, boy is it ugly!

Dr. Schitz Has Nervous Breakdown

The Good Doctor from the Netherworld has suffered a nervous breakdown. He said he sees sperm cells everywhere he goes and fears that giant sperm are chasing him and going to penetrate him.

Dr. Schitz said, "It all began when I counted sperm instead of sheep to go to sleep. Now they are everywhere! They are going to get me! They think that my cloning will put them out of business!"

Mickey Rat Sick

Dr. Schitz cares for Mickey Rat after he ate some dog food.

Al Capone Shot Kudzu

Al Capone shot Flowering Kudzu in the alley the other night. It was first thought that it was Vinnie Barbarino, but that report was wrong. Vinnie cleared the matter up with this comment:

"That is Al Capone! He's using my name! I'm a handsome fellow in my fifties with black hair that isn't dyed, I swear it! I usually wear a school letter jacket. Or a white disco suit when I'm going out on the town."

Flowering Kudzu is recovering in the laboratory of Dr. Schitz where he is putting her back together. His new assistant, Daria Morgendorffer, is working on the details of the bill to be sent to Lammy because they blame her for the incident since it was Lammy who was fooling around with Al. It was said that he was on the lamb at the time.

Dr. Schitz Moonlights

Wilma Snoops was right! We checked out what she said about the good doctor dancing at the Happy Wiener or Weiner, or however you spell it. We may have to just change the name to the Happy Hot Dog. Anyway, her article is in the Crappy Times here.

This is a picture of Dr. Schitz doing the DNA Splits. If he isn't careful, he'll split his own DNA!